The perfect balance between the most important things in my life. That is what I want to achieve through therapy. Success in my career, a healthy romantic relationship, discovering a passion and dedicating time to it, seeing my family and friends more often.
I must admit I felt overwhelmed. During my first session with Oana, when I asked her how she would like her life to be after she will end her therapy, the answer forced me to regroup. Where should I start to preserve this picture while painting it layer by layer, letting each one dry before adding the next, ensuring they will last?
Well… from balance?
What Balance Means to You
Work-life balance does not look the same for everyone. For some, it may mean a flexible work schedule; for others, it may mean dedicating time to hobbies and family. Defining the right balance for you is the first essential step in this process. Ask yourself: What aspects of my life are most important? What do I feel is most lacking right now?
In the days following our first session, Oana created a detailed list of what was important in her life. I felt she needed time to understand how each of these aspects branched out from the thoughts she had formulated in the first session. What does career success mean to you? It’s such a broad concept. What does a healthy relationship mean to you? And so on.
The key lies in these two words: “for you.” Of course, there are general norms we refer to. But we are unique. What we want, why we want it, what suits us, what doesn’t, how we adapt general requirements to personal specifics and vice versa—these are criteria we should consider. It’s not as complicated as it may seem at first. It’s just a necessary introspection exercise. And yes, it requires time and a willingness to focus on yourself more than you usually do.
What Are Your Boundaries?
“Leave work worries at the door.” We know that doesn’t really work. It’s the pink elephant paradox. Instead of forcing it, it’s more useful to decide how much and how far you will carry these worries home—or take home-related concerns to work. That is the real challenge: defining clear boundaries between work and personal life.
Working from home, technology keeping us connected 24/7, and the pressure to always be available create an environment where boundaries become blurred. To counteract this effect:
– Avoid responding to work emails and messages outside of working hours; the world won’t stop turning.
– Create a transition routine between work and personal time; a walk, changing clothes, or reading a few pages from a book can serve as symbolic actions that separate these two spheres and help shift your focus from work concerns to necessary relaxation.
– Set a time limit for discussing work-related matters at home—no more than 15 minutes—without expecting or demanding solutions.
NO!
Perhaps not as blunt and brutal as the title suggests, but the message should be unambiguous.
Whether it’s an extra project at work or a social obligation, a firm refusal leaves no room for insistence.
Do you feel guilty for setting boundaries and protecting your time? Ask yourself why. If you find it hard to identify the reasons, here are a few possibilities. Maybe one resonates with you:
– A desire to always be liked and appreciated by everyone (that must be exhausting!); be careful, the effect is often the opposite—you become invisible. On the other hand, a firm but respectful “no” can actually increase others’ respect for you because it shows that you know your priorities and don’t let external pressures dictate your decisions.
– Fear of creating a tense or conflictual situation that you don’t know how to handle.
– The belief that everything else is more important than your own needs and desires.
– Convenience—it’s easier to say “yes” (no one expects an explanation) than to justify a refusal. But remember, you don’t have to justify every “no.” A simple “I can’t right now, but thank you for thinking of me” is enough.
To sum up, a clear and polite “no” is often more effective than a long and unconvincing excuse.
Be Flexible
Perfect balance is not a static goal but a dynamic one. It’s natural for certain aspects of life to require more attention than others at different times. Instead of seeking perfection, learn to adapt to changes and adjust your priorities based on current needs.
Rather than getting stuck in a rigid plan, see changes as opportunities. Flexibility allows you to find alternatives when things don’t go as expected and to adjust your strategy without losing sight of your core objectives.
This also means accepting the unpredictable. Life is full of unexpected events, and trying to control everything can lead to stress and frustration. Instead, with an open mindset and a willingness to shift your approach when needed, you may come to realize that the best opportunities often arise from unforeseen situations.
Flexibility doesn’t mean giving up; it means navigating change confidently while maintaining your balance and direction.
Balancing Physical and Mental Health
This is where I would personally seek the perfect balance. You can find thousands of articles on good sleep, a balanced diet, and exercise. But I want to focus on a stress-management technique that is less talked about or often considered an afterthought: breathing.
Breathing is an automatic process, yet how we breathe profoundly affects our physical and mental health. Conscious and correct breathing can reduce stress and improve focus.
Deep breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, responsible for relaxation. Techniques such as diaphragmatic breathing or the 4-7-8 exercise (inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, exhale through the mouth for 8 seconds) help lower cortisol (the stress hormone) and induce a state of calm.
Proper breathing helps regulate blood pressure and heart rate.
Though it’s rarely mentioned, proper breathing can also boost the immune system. Deep, conscious breathing improves blood circulation and detoxifies the body, preventing chronic inflammation.
Conclusion
The perfect balance starts with you, within you. As long as you are constantly dissatisfied or envious of others’ achievements and lives, it will be difficult to objectively assess your own priorities.
Relax. Stop demanding of yourself what you imagine others might expect from you. Stop saying “yes” to a request before it’s even been made. Do you want to go to the gym but fear an important email might arrive at that time? Go to the gym.
Finding a balance between professional and personal life is an ongoing process that requires awareness. Presence. Focus on yourself first and foremost.
Balance does not mean perfection. Balance is the ability to enjoy every aspect of life without feeling overwhelmed. Start with small steps and adjust your pace along the way.
Many things in life are said to be journeys, not destinations. Balance is one of them.
